Maybe
by It's an Existential Crisis
Summary: Yahiko and Nagato are gone. So there's no one there to stop her. Or maybe not...  Really old, transferred from other account. Rated T for teenage angst! lol probably not really, but just to be safe... Konan drabble oneshot


Konan silently folded the old black and red cloak, placing the soft fabric in her dresser, though hesitating to close it. She knew she was done with the Akatsuki. Now that the two most important people in her life were gone, what reason did she have to continue that battle? A battle that her dearly departed Nagato had already forfeit?

_Nagato... _

First Yahiko, then Nagato. They were both gone. And neither even considered how the blue-haired beauty would go on without them. Neither considered the sadness she now held in her empty heart, for they both had a very special place in her chest.

But the difference between their deaths was that Nagato had died to restore life that he had unfairly taken away. Konan only loved her friend even more so for that. Even though Nagato had entirely disregarded her in doing so. Yahiko sacrificed himself to save them both. So they could save the world... sort of. Nagato had done just so, so she knew she had no reason to be sad... She was anyway.

She missed them both, with a great and depressed passion. Konan had never asked for much, just for the safety of her only two friends; her saviors. From both the world and herself.

In their battles representing a new peace, she often questioned her existence, though now she hardly remembered nor understood why anymore. What she did remember was Yahiko and Nagato. They saved her time and time again.

Now that they were gone, what could she do? Now, she could have a kunai at her throat and no one would be there to stop her. No one would be there to encourage her. No one would be there to wipe her tears away. Then what was stopping her?

Konan liked to believe that it was their memory. When she sat down by their graves, she could feel them in her heart, could smell them, could hear their voices. And more so, she could feel the pain that they inevitably felt. They left her with responsibility, but more pain than enything. Pain that she had disregarded in their efforts. Pain that sent her on the brink of insanity.

_But what was stopping her?_

All that was left of them now was their empty presence. A haze, as if they had never existed. Maybe they hadn't. Konan wasn't sure anymore. All she knew was how horribly melancholy the world was. They weren't there anymore. She would never hear their voices, never feel their skin, never see their faces. What did she have left? Nothing. Nothing but pain, and longing, and _regret_.

Yes, plenty of regret. Regret that she had never once thanked them, never once showed them how much she needed them, never once told them how much she loved them. As her best friends. And as her only family.

She recalled a feeling when they were still alive, a feeling that she couldn't entirely recollect anymore. A feeling that she had the world in her hands, like the world was at her disposal. It was a feeling that made her heart absolutely flutter, and though she had hardly showed her emotions, she absolutely craved it. She couldn't get enough of this... incredible_ high _that she felt around them. Confidence. Was that it? She couldn't tell anymore. She had very little acknowledgment of anything anymore. Even daily needs. _Yahiko and Nagato were a daily need, _she mused.

Many nights she spent awake in her bed, contemplating it all. Her past. Her longing. They left her and they weren't coming back this time. She knew it wasn't her fault, but she blamed herself anyway. There were many times where she had a feeling against whatever they had planned, but instead of speaking her mind, she just followed only to realize she was right. It was her fault. She should've stopped Yahiko. She should've stopped Nagato. And both times she hadn't. She failed them. And now they couldn't stop her.

She used to write letters to that Naruto. She would indirectly ask for advice, giing little hints that she was struggling with the loss of her friends, and each time Naruto would answer with surprising understanding. Many of them were about three times as long as Konan's original message, but it only made her smile. He had so much to say, and every bit of it was wise, with knowledge past his years.

She stopped after a while. She just couldn't take it anymore; thinking about them. She thought she could just forget about them. Though Naruto had sent her one last message after about a month with no response. It consisted of no more than two sentences. "You should read that book. Don't give up just yet." She knew exactly what book he was talking about. Though she never did read it. The last thing she wanted was to be reminded of was the battle that they had lost, and somehow won at the same time. And she certainly didn't want to be reminded of Nagato; as if he wasn't on her mind enough as it was. She never responded to the letter, and Naruto hadn't her anymore letters either. One more thing to regret she found later on.

With sudden insomnia after Nagato's death, she spent every night just staring at that kunai. The one that had killed Yahiko. Nagato hadn't known, but she had kept it; hidden it in her room. She would stare at it with an uncomfortable intensity. She could do it. End it all. All it would take was a straight strike to the heart. She could fill that empty space all right, she could fill it with the blade that still had Yahiko's blood stained on it. She could do it. **But what was stopping her?**

The question was getting old. She asked herself said question every night. Even other members had asked her. Well, Hidan anyway. It was old indeed, but still had yet to be answered. Maybe she felt she had a duty to them. A responsibility to keep on living. Maybe They were there with her; their spirits restraining her. Maybe some higher power was indirectly telling her it wasn't her time. Maybe._ Maybe _she didn't care.

Dear God, what would they say if they knew she was thinking this way? _They'd probably wonder what I was smoking_, she couldn't help joking. That was it, wasn't it though? She feared they would be ashamed of her for even considering throwing away her life. They were gone... but maybe not. She had to live for them. Maybe that was it.

She stared down at the red and white clouds embroidered on the black fabric. Maybe that was it. Just _maybe. _She remembered very clearly what Yahiko had told Nagato. _Keep living_. A desperate voice wanted to defy them, but inside she knew she couldn't let them down. She just couldn't do it.

Sighing, she settled with that maybe. Even if she didn't entirely believe it, it was reason enough._ Reason enough to cover my chicken ass_, she insulted herself. But even as unsatisfied as she was, she took the previously mentioned kunai and walked down to the graveyard.

"Hi," she sighed, sitting down between the graves, setting down some fresh flowers for them, "It's me," she stated, though she knew they couldn't hear her. She knew they were dead and didn't care. But graves are for the living, not the dead. It gives us something to concentrate on instead of the fact that our loved ones are rotting underground. The dead don't care about the pretty flowers and carved marble stones. She knew. But she spoke to them anyway.

"I guess I have some confessing to do..." She admitted, though not really intending to say much more. She placed the kunai on Yahiko's grave, kissing her fingers and placing it on his carved name, doing the same to Nagato's, "I'm sorry..." she said, tears starting to ruin her mascara, "I promise... to keep living..." she knew they couldn't hear her, but she was saying it more for herself than for them. It gave her a reason to not brake it.

Not many people heard from her anymore. But we can all safely assume that she settled on that _maybe._


End file.
